I don’t know why I seem to be amazed by my own humanity. It’s only day four and I’m already behind in my reading and writing. Experiment fail, or experiment confirmation?

Search Party
Sometimes I fear that I’ve gotten to this place where I think I deserve God’s blessing. It’s like I just assume that I’m righteous, and everyone out there is wicked, so God will pour His blessing on me and smite them. How arrogant.

The psalmist often asks God to search him to see if he is deserving of his situation. He acknowledges that there may have been something he has done to get in this mess. It’s very rare when I ask God to search me, that He would reveal to me what is the true state of my heart. I fear that I am only sharpening His sword.

Pomp and Circumstance
Perhaps if we had a better understanding of the state of our heart, we would have a better understanding of God’s righteousness and why He does what He does. We know that He is the ultimate Judge, and that all nations will be judged by Him. If we are repentant and keeping our heart in check, we shouldn’t be afraid or worried about the rest of the world. There will always be trouble, there will always be wickedness, there will always be ones who say, “There is no God.”

We know that God is just and hears the cry of the humble and oppressed. If we (read: I) really believed that, maybe we (read: I) would be quicker to praise Him rather than blame Him for things not turning out how we (read: I) want.

I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart; I will tell of all Your wonders. I will be glad and exult in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High.

A note about Lent
Yesterday, someone grilled me about why I was observing Lent. The argument went something like:

“Lent is a non-biblical, man-made ritual. Why are you making an effort to do these things that you should be doing all year? You should focus on that rather than observing Lent.”

Yes, Lent is not in the Bible. Neither is Christmas or Easter. But why do we observe Christmas and Easter? Because it is a time of focus on Jesus’ birth, or Jesus’ death and resurrection. By observing those dates, we enter into greater worship because of spending time focusing on certain characteristics of our faith, and preparation for a celebration.

Lent is no different. It can be a ritual, for sure. It can be as empty as any other religious event, or it can be a time of preparation for greater worship. And if something results in greater knowledge, understanding, and worship of God, then why would we want to discourage someone from doing it? The key is relationship, and for me, this experiment in observing Lent will have a great impact on my relationship with God.

Refuge, Shelter, and Deliverance
Speaking of relationship (I love segues), I am loving reading and praying through the Psalms. The way David cries out to God is such a beautiful picture of an authentic relationship. I don’t often think of God as a refuge or shelter, mostly He’s picked out a path, given me some commands, and I follow it. This morning I prayed that I would take refuge in God and sing for joy in His shelter.

There’s this beautiful picture at the end of Psalm 5 of God’s blessing and favor being like a shield around His righteous ones. The image I see is God standing above someone and sweeping His arm around them, creating this whirlwind of protection. It’s not a superficial protection like nothing bad will ever happen, but it’s a protection of eternal significance, that He is allowing things to happen or not happen in order to accomplish His will and ultimately shape us into who He wants us to be. And there is no better place to be than that.

The number forty has divine significance in the Christian and Jewish traditions. Forty years in the wilderness, forty days on a mountain, forty days in a desert. That’s just a few. Traditionally, the season of Lent was forty days from this coming Monday (Clean Monday) through Good Friday. The western version turned it into forty-six, starting Ash Wednesday and taking out Sunday’s (since they are like mini-Easter’s). Growing up Catholic we did the whole Lent thing – Ash Wednesday service, giving up something, not eating meat on Friday, lots of church during Holy Week – but it didn’t really mean anything to me.

I am on a quest to discover the meaning of Lent.

Cornerstone is doing daily reading and prayer of the Psalms via a blog called A Glad Surrender. Pretty sweet stuff. But as I thought and read about the history of Lent and it’s purpose, I decided to jump in the deep end and really pursue a season of anticipation and preparation marked by prayer, fasting, reflection, and worship.

Prayer
This one is kind of a no-brainer. We’re called to pray, so prayer should be a part of Lent. Every once in a while I really try to focus on prayer, and ultimately fail, but this season I am determined to be dedicated to prayer. There’s a part of the monastic tradition called Daily Office. Anywhere between 4 and 9 times a day, monks gather to read and pray through Psalms and hymns. The awesome thing is that a monk will cycle through the Psalms every 3 to 4 weeks! So part of my dedication is to pray through a Psalm each morning, noon, evening, and night along with all my brothers out there. By Holy Week I should be done.

Fasting
I used to fast a lot, now not really. I honestly can’t remember the last time I fasted. The period of Lent was chosen to reflect Jesus’ time of prayer and fasting in the wilderness before the devil came to tempt Him. Fasting often marks the season of Lent. I want fasting to mark my season of Lent, and to truly be dependent on every word of God. We’re so easily distracted by perceived needs, wants, and desires that I think the words of God often fall on deaf ears, or at least ears that are quickly deafened. Fasting will take the form of food, audible distractions, certain temptations.

Reflection
It seems like it wouldn’t make sense to focus on Lent if I didn’t spend time reflecting on it. I think a lot of times we don’t savor the truth we discover, and we easily forget what God has spoken to us. It’s my goal to be writing every single day about Jesus and His great sacrifice for me, a sinner.

Worship
It doesn’t make sense if it doesn’t lead to worship. I have become more and more convinced that the words of Jesus aren’t just trying to get us to be better, or sin less, or to be able to get along, but He is pushing us toward complete and total worship of Him. We worship so many other things, my goal is to be led to worship the One True God through prayer, fasting, and reflection. I am also attempting to write some music as a result of prayer, fasting, reflection and worship about this season. I want to prayerfully seek out what Jesus felt, what His friends and family felt, as they discovered the significance of the coming weeks.

It’s my prayer that God would firmly plant my feet like a tree near His streams, and that my way would be righteous before Him. Psalm 1 calls us to meditate on His law day and night, what a great reminder to kick off this season.

Sidenote: In the account of Jesus’ temptation in Luke, he adds that the devil left Jesus to return at an opportune time. I wonder what these forty(six) days will look like.

February 24, 1983 was a remarkable day:

• A special commission of the Congress of the United States releases a report critical of the practice of Japanese internment during World War II
• Simon Hughes’s defeat of Peter Tatchell is criticised for alleged homophobia
• Dow Jones closes above 1100 mark for 1st time
• On the U.N. General Assemblies agenda: Palestinian Rights, Non-Use of Force, International Trade Law, International Standards of Accounting and Reporting
• Tenessee Williams dies
• Christopher Saldanha is born

I’m not one to toot my own proverbial horn, but I wanted to share the love I’ve received on this day.

From Liam:

Question: Does it get any better? Answer: Yes it does.

Then my wife makes me wonderful heart toast:

I’m a lucky man.

This morning I started reading a new book called Acedia & Me by Kathleen Norris. So far, it’s wonderful. I know it’s a bit pre-emptive, and perhaps assuming to begin writing about a book I’ve barely read. It’s kind of like describing a love you’ve only discovered. But alas, it got me thinking at 6:10am.

Kathleen Norris has spent a lot of time studying and coming to understand the monastic tradition. Acedia is an acient word that was often ascribed to a feeling, a sin even, that many monks struggled with. It left them indifferent toward the moment, almost slothful. It wasn’t rebellion, it wasn’t disobedience, it was just . . . meh.

It’s stange to think, that the job of a monk – meditating on the scriptures, a life of generosity and charity, 24-hour worship of the One True God, apart from the distractions and temptations of the material world – could be met with torpor or numbness. Man, if monks struggle with it where is my hope?

But this all got me thinking, maybe we are all monks. We’re just secular monks. If you think about it, we are all called to worship God fully in all that we do. We are all called to pray without ceasing. We are all called to be self-sacrificing and to consider others better than ourselves. The only difference is that we have a day job. And I find that the struggle of acedia finds me at my desk every single day.

Norris suggests that acedia actually robs us of joy and satisfaction. Sure, if we’re numb toward something, we can’t really experience pain and struggle from that thing. But we also can’t experience satisfaction.

Acedia says to us, “Man, this sucks. Why should you even care about this?”

To which we reply, “You’re right, friend. You’re always right. I just don’t care anymore.”

So we stop caring, and we stop letting the moment affect us. But what have we missed out on? There is such a deep-rooted joy and satisfaction in overcoming struggle, heartache, and pain. Out of that pain comes knowledge, understanding, appreciation and deeper trust of God. We become aware of how finite and flawed we are, and how desperate and dependent we need to be on God. I don’t want to miss out on that.

Now I sit, in my three-quarter walled cloister, thanking God for the ability to care.

Let’s face it, Christians can be weird. There is definitely a Christian sub-culture that people can become entrenched in, and in that bubble things get weird to the outsider.

I was listening to a story from the This American Life archives (yes, I listen to that program a lot at work) about Christianity. One reporter visited New Life Church (pre-Haggard sex/drugs scandal), to learn more about a prayer initiative to pray for everyone in Colorado Springs. The idea is great – praying for an entire community – but I realized how strange Christians can sound to non-Christians.

The reporter interviewed young, zealous believers, and older leaders in the church about why they are praying for the city, how prayer works, and what they believe they are going to accomplish. One young man talked about the demonic battles he can discern in areas he prayer-walks. One woman spoke of the biosphere being opened when we pray and that’s how God hears us.

What amazed me is how confused and creeped out I was.

I believe there is a spiritual war going on. I believe our prayers reach the Heavens. But to a non-Christian all that stuff sounds super weird. Especially when we use words that aren’t really used outside of our spiritual bubble. No one else talks about demonic strongholds. No one else thinks about the end of days.

Christian, when talking to an unbeliever, try this: be sincere and don’t use words they don’t know. Just talk like everyone else, and people won’t think we’re so strange.

Just below,  you can see a lovely post by my lovely boy talking about our weekend. While over all it was delightful and relaxing, there were some moments that made it kind of sour. *see below

So when this happens, instead of feeling crummy or crabby (or both), I am trying to make a point to think of the lovliness of life. WhatEVER those things may be. And here, without further adieu, my recent list of loves:

1. A husband who plans a lovely weekend and is a cognisent enough of our finances to get a good deal at a wonderful hotel.

2. SCALLOPS. Little ones, big ones, kind of burnt ones, any kind. These are HEAVEN.

3. Boots brand “Amazon Forest Brazil Nut & Vanilla” body butter. Want to smell like cake batter? Then by all means…

4. Bon Iver. (pronounced Bone eeVAIR) This band is GORGEOUS. Especially the songs “Skinny Love” and “Creature Fear”. Is it a couple people singing in unison? Is it just a guy’s voice being altered by a sound machine? Whatever it is, it’s GORGEOUS.

5. Springtime is sooner than it was yesterday.

6. The Lonely Island boys, Andy, Akiva, and Jorma. Nerdy hilarious ridulousness. Visit www.thelonelyisland.com and click on “Just Two Guys”. Wow. Some of them are rather crude, but when you hit a gem, you hit a BIG ol gem

7. The fact that Liam is horrible at playing Hide & Seek.  Josh: “Where’s Liam? Is he in the kitchen?”  Liam, while underneath a pillow on the couch after we all watched him go under it: “NOOO!”  Josh: “Is he in the bathroom? Liam: “noooo!” Liam. You’re kind of missing the point.

8. Banana Republic Rosewood cologne. A rosey & musky blend of perfection. Yum Yum Yum.

9. Target’s skinny black jeans. WITH lycra…yay! I can look stylish AND sit down! And they’re cheap.

10. Chris’s face.

There’s this ironic thing that tends to happen when Katie and I try to have a romantic get-away. It’s almost never the romantic get-away we imagine. For example, this weekend we ran away to Kansas City, but I was sick and doped out on DayQuil, then the room I rented at a cutthroat rate turned out to meet the expectations of a price cut – peeling wallpaper, loud elevator just outside the room, a hallway that smelled of cheese.

But those are the memories that draw us closer together and give us wonderfully laughable memories to look back on, right? Right. Never funny at the time, though.

Regardless of the circumstances, we did have a lovely dinner and another great visit to our dear friend Aaron’s church called Jacob’s Well. What a great place. Over dinner I asked Katie, “What needs to change?”

I think we forget to ask ourselves and each other that question.

This morning, I heard a great quote from someone being interviewed on the NPR program This American Life. The interviewee was talking about his courtship and marriage, and said something so insightful:

“No one ever asks, ‘How did you two stay together?’ Everyone always asks, ‘How did you two meet?’”

Never have I been asked about what my marriage is like, or how we got through the first year. It really is, “How did you guys meet?”

So, how do we stay together? Honestly, sometimes I think we simply hold on to our vows, but I would like to think that most of the time we really pursue each other and keep our marriage focused on how God would have us act. If I am really loving Katie more than myself and sacrificing for her each day, then what else would I need to do? Unfortunately my selfishness gets in the way, but thankfully Katie is forgiving.

I am so excited for what this next year holds. We’re starting a new study of what biblical marriage looks like and how to continue to shape our relationship. Hopefully I have a more solid answer and some proof as to how we have stayed together. That is, if the question comes up.

Editor’s note: I wrote this while still having a bit of a head cold, so I apologize if there are any incomplete thoughts or if anything is repetitively repetitive.

I don’t think this image captures it at all, but this morning had one of the most beautiful sunrises I have seen in a very long time. The colors of blue, purple, and orange were breathtaking. It’s one of those “God did this to amaze you” moments. Iowa is lovely.

It certainly makes me grateful just to be able to witness things like that. God could have make sunrises hideous to remind us of the toil we’re driving off to. But no, He wants to remind us that He is an artist and creator of all things good. Man, God is good.

Circumstances have led me to feel such thankfulness today. There are so many things I take for granted – physical and mental abilities, my wife, my job – and don’t say “thanks” for.

So, thank you, my Holy and Loving God, for all You have blessed me. Who am I that you are mindful of me?

Here’s a post! Not a lot has been going on, but I know how annoying it is to check people’s blogs and they don’t post ANYTHING for WEEKS at a time and I’m like, “Ugh! How am I supposed to know anything about them if they don’t post! Please post, random girl in Tennessee who posts cute things whom I don’t know! What am I supposed to DO all day, work!??!?!”

So here’s to posting nothingness just for the sake of a fresh screen when you pull up our blog.

What’s been going on…hmmm… WELL! We finally sold Montell Jordan!!! No, we didn’t own the mid-90’s r&b star of such fine hits as “This Is How We Do It” ( although how much fun would that be for like Christmas morning and Connection groups and stuff if we did?!?!?!) No, Montell Jordan is the name of Chris’ 1999 BRIGHT red Monte Carlo SEDAN. We had posted him on Craigslist some time ago (think, the pics we took of him to post where taken in bright sunshine green grass background). Anyway, last Tuesday, Adam Weber, a lovely young gentleman who works at a bowling ally (not sure why I included that), bought it from us and paid what Chris wanted!! Yay!
And the very next day, after Adam drove Montell out of our lives, Passandra (our Passat) decided to STOP WORKING. She refused to idle! She would just die right after we would turn her on. So, Christopher, being the wonderful leader of our home that he is, dove right in to car searching. And less than a week later, we are proud owners of a 2003 (newest car we’ve ever owned!!) Pontiac Vibe! So cute! So silver! So hatchback-y! So all four doors open! And again, Christopher being the wonderful leader of our finances that he is, managed to pay all cash for our car. (most cash he’s had in his wallet at one time…maybe ever?)So yay about new cars! Yay about God providing! Yay for husbands being the men they need to be and not making me worry about an OUNCE of it!

Also fun in our lives – baby Sam is here! Chris’ older sister Bridie and her husband Chad and big brother Gavin welcomed baby Samson Joseph into the world last Thursday night! He is so little and tiny and sweet! We have yet to hold him – he was born a little early (he was just so excited to get here!!), so once he bulks up a bit, we’ll be able to hold him, squeeze him, kiss him, throw him (maybe a year or so from now, Uncle Chris).  Congratulations to the Sellers!

We both have been sick with the flu. I had it first (well, in the Saldzie crew – Gav & Em & Mom had it before I did). Then Sunday night, Chris dashed out of bed twice to run to the toilet to throw up! The second time, he never came back to bed. He layed in the bathroom (all the while NOT drifting off to sleep) from 3:30 til he came to wake me up at 6:15!!! I’m not sure what I could have done, but I felt bad about not being down there with him, stroking his hair, giving him Sprite, telling him jokes. I should have stayed up. Sorry, Bubbs.

Not a lot going on in our day to day lives. C’s birthday is coming up soon!! 21 days to go!!!! Yay!!! Be thinking about all the gifts you want to shower all upons him!!!

Yay! That’s all!