It seems like we have known a lot of people who have gotten divorced early in their marriage. Even Christian couples. While we don’t know all the details and we shouldn’t assume or “pick sides”, as it were, Katie and I have been able to have really good conversations about how to be proactive in fighting the things that might lead to divorce. We talk about honesty, boundaries in friendships, and above all bowing to God’s commands.

But from what I have learned in the divorces of Christian couples, the common cause is not something like infidelity or distrust, but selfishness. It seems we have forgotten the purpose of our marriages and our lives – being vessels and deliverers of God’s grace.

I have become pretty convinced that our purpose on this Earth is as simple as this: reconciliation through grace. Jesus reconciled us to God through His grace, and now we are to act in ways to reconcile others to God through our grace (given, of course, by God). We are to love enemies. Believing wives are to win over unbelieving husbands by their actions. We are to submit to our authorities even when it’s difficult. We are to display grace so that God would be made known.

When it comes to marriage, it’s not about you. It’s about the grace that you exhibit, even when it’s hard. In that, God will give to you abundantly so you can give to others.

So stop being selfish.